Verbatim 8 December 1999; Muddy Waters Valencia & 16th, San Francisco
PANTOUMS
1)
At last in bed together, he and I,
I felt the spotlight and
Could not escape the glare on my soul
Vulnerable to him, and the rest of the world.
I felt the spotlight and
I knew my cue. I was
Vulnerable to him and the rest of the world,
Performing a dance in the red-hued window.
I knew my cue. I was
Supposed to laugh,
Performing a dance in the red-hued window
I was not a clown, though. Was I
Supposed to laugh?
He knew
I was not a clown, though was I
To be watched all night?
He knew
The emeralds were
To be watched all night.
But master-thief Javar knew too much.
The emeralds were
From Finland, in the time of their Olympic hockey team,
But master-thief Javar knew too much
And his grin shone like spikes in relentless blue neon.
From Finland, in the time of their Olympic hockey team,
He came in through my window
And his grin shone like spikes in relentless blue neon
And the glint of hidden precious stones.
He came in through my window,
At last in bed together, he and I
And the glint of hidden precious stones,
Could not escape the glare on my soul.
2)
I said,
"Do not discard caution."
Because everyone is so scary.
But you could throw away the packaging and that would be all right.
"Do not discard caution."
His glance was wrapped in histories of awkward intention
But you could throw away the packaging and that would be all right
Because behind it was an undeniably human glow.
His glance was wrapped in histories of awkward intentions
And, I rejoiced at making the robot "feel,"
Because behind it was an undeniably human glow,
And only now was she truly useless.
And I rejoiced at making the robot feel
Despite her misgivings, thus her circuits overloaded
And only now was she truly useless
Except for the smell of yellow metal.
Despite her misgivings, thus her circuits overloaded
Mine. Lust,
Except for the smell of yellow metal,
Tastes like fish eyes. The robot
Mine, lust
Gleaming in rivulets
Tastes like fish eyes. The robot
Broke. She was
Gleaming in rivulets
Of grease, almost like a sweat that
Broke. She was
A mother in labor, delivering herself
Of grease, almost like a sweat that
Sank through the cast-iron, as she, quivering,
A mother in labor, delivering herself,
Escaping the legions of imitators.
"Do not discard caution"
sank through the cast-iron, as she, quivering,
But you could throw away the packaging and that would be all right,
Escaping the legions of imitators.
3)
Horatio, Horatio, your bass lines repel us,
Your plucks are flimsy and your basso rings false
If only you could hold your bow correctly
We may rescue our Haydn from your butchering.
Your plucks are flimsy and your basso rings false
Bells true, percussion may falter --
We may rescue our Haydn from your butchering.
Blocks, arterial beat.
Bells true, percussion may falter --
As my father, a built heart was
Blocks, arterial beat.
He was knives between nights of dreaming.
As my father, a built heart was
One cure, and music from our neighbor another.
He was knives between nights of dreaming
Sharp as a scalpel that crisscrossed him with scars.
One cure, and music from our neighbor another.
Horatio. Horatio, your bass lines repel us,
Sharp as the scalpel that crisscrossed him with scars,
If only you could hold your bow correctly.
4)
I saw your momma
Just the other day,
With her golden tooth
And dookie braids.
Just the other day,
We fell along the crick all smiles
And dookie braids
Each pleasantly disturbed,
We fell along the crick all smiles
Turn up, in the end. We fell
Each pleasantly disturbed,
Tooth into neck. Your daddy will
Turn up, in the end. We fell
A feel of sweetness but the volume's all wrong
Tooth into neck. Your daddy will
Hack into the something.
A feel of sweetness but the volume's all wrong
On Radio Free Alabama. We try to
Hack into the something.
We resort to jump rope songs instead.
On Radio Free Alabama. We try to
Play the current music, baby.
We resort to jump rope songs instead
Of anthems classical and dry.
Play the current music, baby.
Ugly is the best example
Of anthems classical and dry
And ugly is the best example.
Ugly is the best example
You bad-ass post funk fucker
And ugly is the best example
With a stench of the future
You bad-ass post funk fucker
I saw your momma
With a stench of the future
With her golden tooth.
5)
The twelve cups of
Coffee, tea and blood
Watered littered vacant lots
In downtown, then.
Coffee, tea and blood
Became the counting
In downtown, then
Vanished, a sphinx's chase of fear.
Became the counting
The talismans of a girl warding off her past
Vanished, a sphinx's chase of fear
Without her past she had no excuse for the present.
The talismans of a girl warding off her past
She kept in silver dishes.
Without her past she had no excuse for the present
That we brought her in those cups.
She kept in silver dishes
The crusts
That we brought her in those cups,
The evaporated remains…
The crusts
And old toast to empire
The evaporated remains
Of a city cupped in idle memory.
And old toast to empire
A toast to the rebels
Of a city cupped in idle memory
Worthless hate and worthy past
A toast to the rebels
The twelve cups of
Worthless hate and worthy past
Watered battered vacant lots.
6)
The waters were muddy
as the boats pulled in.
dragging their nets,
the fishermen sang.
as the boats pulled in.
I stepped out to meet them
the fishermen sang,
and my socks got wet.
I stepped out to meet them
The wind was up
and my socks got wet.
The fishermen looked landward.
The wind was up
The tide was rough
The fishermen looked landward
and then the shark attacked.
The tide was rough
inspiring tales of the Gale of '94
and then the shark attacked
which of course inspired great hilarity.
inspiring tales of the Gale of '94
were told in verse.
Which of course inspired great hilarity,
considering the shark. We
were told in verse to hold it.
The shark would disappear which was no great feat,
considering the shark. We
considered the shark until sunrise, when F (the poet) brought donuts.
The shark would disappear which
Disappointed the fin-eaters
F (the poet) brought donuts
Sending the devout back in.
Disappointed the fin-eaters
The waters were muddy
Sending the devout back in
Dragging their nets.
7)
When I went underground
there were dark vines waiting.
How I wrapped around myself
in the wake of equation's bait
there were dark vines waiting.
The form hidden behind reason
in the wake of equation's bait
form is all that remains, and matter
The form hidden behind reason
Revived the shadowy doubt;
form is all that remains, and matter's
merely particles of math.
Revived the shadowy doubt;
That I might be
merely particles of math:
it is true
That I might be
A shadow, a math, a poetry, an instinct
it is true
and I might let it be said
A shadow, a math, a poetry, an instinct
Some relish, some mustard
and I might let it be said,
have been a fine wiener.
Some relish, some mustard
Oozing uncontrollably from what would have been
have been a fine wiener,
now languishing on molten gravel.
Oozing uncontrollably from what would have been
A poetry, an equation of a time
now languishing on molten gravel,
formulaic and heat
A poetry, an equation of a time
When I went underground
formulaic and heat
how I wrapped around myself.
8)
Too much coffee and no protein,
so I was feeling kinda potluckish.
My credit card had been rejected.
I pictured the smell of soup from a stranger's window.
so I was feeling kinda potluckish.
And if I didn't eat soon, I'd cause a ruckus.
I pictured the smell of soup from a stranger's window
And smelled images of pumpkin pie.
And if I didn't eat soon, I'd cause a ruckus.
On Valencia and 23rd melting from the lamplight
And smelled images of pumpkin pie,
that sinister glint of raucous ravenous autumn,
On Valencia and 23rd melting from the lamplight
Appeared a truck. The sound of
that sinister glint of raucous ravenous autumn,
crumbling underfoot. My wheels spin. No protein
Appeared a truck. The sound of
memory
crumbling underfoot. My wheels spin. No protein
in a body filled
memory of a swimming hole,
my grandmother held court
in a body filled with fried chicken and sorrow.
No longer the carefree girl I was now.
my grandmother held court
taught me a lesson in the hard-knocks school:
No longer the carefree girl I was, now
makes me a wise but unhealthy woman.
taught me a lesson in the hard-knocks school:
too much coffee and no protein
makes me a wise but unhealthy woman.
My credit card had been rejected.